Anxiety

So, I ended up at the doctor’s office yesterday – mainly due to a pesky migraine that wasn’t going to go away on its own.

After about 3 hours of questions – (And I seriously mean that – there was absolutely NO WAITING at the hospital – the admin clerk checking me in didn’t even have my forms printed out before the nurse was escorting me to the back) – I left with less of a migraine (shots in the butt can help sometimes) as well as prescriptions for migraine medicine (which, if I take, makes me feel like my heart is about to explode. Serously), muscle relaxers (just in case its my muscles tensing up that could contribute to headaches) and Xanax. Because I seem to have an anxiety issue.

The three hour interrogation was really checking about my levels of anxiety. I never thought much about how I go grocery shopping or how I put items in the cart – but I guess the way I do it is OCD and caauses anxiety if anyone else touches my stuff or doesn’t do it my way. All these years I just though I liked for there to be a place for the milk to go at the end of the trip, without squishing everything else and without having to bend over to put it on the bottom cart shelf. NOPE! I have been suffering from anxiety MY WHOLE ADULT LIFE and NEVER EVEN KNEW!

Then the questions went onto my marriage and family life. Sure, I get anxiety over things in that area – doesn’t everyone? My husband is deployed – isn’t it normal to be freaked out about things? Congress almost didn’t pass a budget which would mean my family wouldn’t have had money to pay the rent, lights, water, gasoline, food or clothes – wouldn’t a normal person get upset about that prospect? Apparently not. A normal person would have just left it up to the moon to figure out a plan of action.

Which brought up the real issues. I am an incessant planner. My plans may not be perfect, but they are MY PLANS. I much go over each issue about a zillion times before I go forth with a desicion.

But not for everything. Nope. I really like that shirt? I just get it! I tell the doctor.

Then he asks me “How many hours did you spend looking through magazines, catalougues and online websites before you decided to go shopping?”

Crap! He got me! I can “window” shop from the comfort of my own home for WEEKS before I even step foot in the store – because the last thing I want to do is be in a store NOT KNOWING WHAT I AM LOOKING FOR!

Do I have anxiety? I would like to say that I am just a unque person with little quirks that make me who I am.

I guess after I see a neurologist we will have a better idea of where I am on the nueron ping scale.

In the meantime – Xanax. I will say that when I am on them (or when they are affecting me) I am a much more emotional level person. I can also say that current dose is wearing off, and if ONE MORE NEIGHBORHOOD KID KNOCKS ON MY DOOR ASKING IF MY CHILDREN CAN PLAY – I might just lose it. Or take another Xanax. Not sure which one will happen first. 🙂

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