Reintegrating…

Sucks.

Don’t get me wrong. I love the fact that my husband is home. I do.

But for more than 7 months I did everything. I did the laundry, the cleaning, the grocery shopping, and the bills. I was the giver of punishments to the children and also the giver of hugs and kisses.

I was the everything. And now he comes back and feels the need to either A) disrupt the system we have in place because it doesn’t work for him or B) Disrupt the system we have in place in order to feel like he is part of it.

Either way, it is hard. I have been accused of moving everything around after asking him a billion times and then screaming to STOP MOVING MY STUFF at him – even though I haven’t moved ANYTHING that belongs to him. Not. ONE. THING. To include the flip flops he left in living room before he went to Iraq, that were STILL. WHERE. HE. PUT. THEM. WHEN. HE. GOT. BACK.

I am very sorry to be venting here, but this is driving me crazy. Even more crazy?

He blamed the fact that the doctor prescribed me Xanax on himself. Yeah. That was totally not a passive/aggressive move to make me feel like shit, was it?

The fact that I prescribed the medication WHEN HE WASN’T EVEN HERE doesn’t seem to matter. Nor does it matter that MAYBE! JUST MAYBE! I do have a medical reason to take it! No! That doesn’t matter! All that matters is that HE doesn’t want me taking medication so he will use any guilt method he can for me NOT to take it.

And then? When I flip out with an anxiety attack? Then its all MY FAULT because I GET MYSELF into a tizzy. (OK, Maybe I DO – but maybe if I was taking the medication I wouldn’t be in a tizzy?!?)

Reintegrating is a bitch. And I don’t care how many times it has been done before – each time is different. I have no advice for myself or for anyone else on how to make it “easier”, because it is never easy.

But if I find my purse moved from where I put it one more time I seriously may flip out of my mind. Same thing with the can opener. It goes in the same place it did even BEFORE YOU LEFT! Why move it to another drawer? Because it is funny to watch me go can opener hunting?

*Rant over- enjoy the rest of your Memorial Day!*

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2 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Blithering Idiotted
    May 30, 2011 @ 23:23:43

    That is a super-peachy-keen post. Thanks for really blathering on like that! Seriously, I don’t think I could have spent more effort wishing for something heavy to fall on me to erase that nonsense from my mind!

    Reply

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